I do not miss you

I do not miss you

Sometimes I go through the internet looking for stories or quotes or memes that portray how I feel.

There is nothing for this.

I'm better now. You've said.

I'm not that person anymore. You've said.

I miss my family . I miss us. You've said.

I cant help but wonder why you feel the need to tell me This changes nothing It means nothing It doesn't heal any wounds Or allow me to trust again It feels like a threat It feels like a move in a chess game A trick.

I miss my family . I miss us. You've said

I do not.

What you turned into

How you twisted my vulnerabilities against me

Changed everything.

Made me see you not as my Superman

But Lex Luther.

That smile. That charm.

That powerful manipulation.

I trusted you.

I gave you everything.

And you fashioned it into a weapon

How can I miss that?

How can any amount of change, change that?

There were better ways to handle things, I know.

I was scared.

I was tired.

I was empty.

I wanted to feel anything but diffidence and waste.

I was desperate for anything different than misery.

Literally anything.

Just a spark of light in the cave of despair was better than the pervading darkness.

This was my weakness.

I do not miss this.

I do not miss this feeling of never ending despair.

This desperation for any relief.

There were good times, You said.

But they were based on a lie.

A farce. A role.

A negotiation gone sour.

I can not miss that.

I want to be real

To be my authentic self.

To not pretend or compromise.

To be genuine.

I am tattered and flawed.

And I don't miss you.

Even though I know you are a decent person.

You are not evil.

I loved you, and for good reason.

You gave me hope and stability

Until you took it away.

You did the best you could

Until you couldn't.

You accepted me

Until the fantasy faded.

You loved me

Until you didn't.

And I won't feel guilty.

This does not mean I am a bad person.

This does not mean I am evil or at fault.

I do not have to forgive you.

I need only to forgive myself.

I'm glad you have healed
I'm happy you have moved beyond the anger
I'm relieved that you have made peace with your demons.
I'm sorry that we were casualties to that battle
But
I accept that sacrifice
If it's true. It's worth it.